Ephiphany-a major life changing moment, a relization. I had this a couple of weeks ago while thinking about my life and what i'm going to do with it, I have hours to think about. I have had a lot of experiences throughout my life already and i'm still just a kid. I've grown, I've been supressed, I have felt love, I have been forgotten, I have left people, people have left me, I have created, I have destoryed, I have given someone life and I have snatched it away, I have had power and I have been belittled. Its a lot for just being almost 18, I think I feel older than what I am because of so many deep connections I've been in. And it doesn't just include romantic relationships, its everything that my life is made up of.
Everyone has had different experiences and have been involved with other people, different relationships. Friendships, lovers, parents, siblings, everyone all meshed into this thing we call life. Not to mention countless other things, like thoughts, emotions, religion, natrual occurences. And we give it all we have, but does it amount to anything in the end? Do we all just die? And if so then why do we try and spend so much time getting everyone's acceptance? Its so important to a lot of people, acceptance feels nice, but its not so necessary that people should become obssessed with it. And why do people find it so necessary to decieve? I've known people for years and years and I never thought that they'd do what they've done. I'm still the same person, only happier, I get so confused sometimes by the way people interact with other people. I have to ignore it sometimes or it'll just knock me off my tracks and to me its not that important. I'd just like to know why, sometimes. Its understandable to wonder why.
In my life there has been a lot going on, I've been engaged and had my entire life planned out for me and that was that, and then all of a sudden I wasn't and my life is an open agenda, free to anything I want to add. Its liberating, but its amazing how life can be changed by one choice that you make. It'll make a ripple effect and touch other people's lives, lives that don't even need to be affected by the option that you make. Friends should be there for you, no matter what choices you make, as long as you love them and care for them then thats all that matters. You can disapprove, you can hate the option, but the important part is that your the net that catches your friends when they need it. Right now my net doesn't consist of hardly any friends at all, my net is a tall, lanky boy and a poofy haired sibling. They have my back, my balls when I need them and I always need them. It's kind of amazing that I've cut out the rest, or the rest have left me, either way its really awkward and amazing at the same time. If those people are bullshit now, then they've bullshitted me all through life, and I don't need bullshitters to fuck with my life. You only get one, you have to perfect it to the way you want.
And really that is what life is about, YOU. If you're unhappy YOU have to change it, no one else will do it for you. Cut the cords that strangle and choke your happiness and your world becomes different. Not stating that you should be selfish, but maybe be more selfish. Selflessness makes you a good person, but theres a point where people will start to see that you are selfless and will use that to use you because thats how shitty people are. You can't really trust anyone, you have to be very careful with who you share your life with, you have to be very careful with who you trust. This is something I've known all along, but its much more clear to me now. You have to not try to be friends with everyone and just be there for the people that you love and be happy. Thats what life is about, happiness, because if you're not happy then you might as well be dead. Because feeling anything else BUT happiness is terrible. Sometimes you know you're alive by those feelings and they are necessary to life, but being sad and depressed all the time is no way to live. You have to celebrate what you have or you're just wasting your time and everyone else's.
My ephiphany includes all of what was just stated, I think its something to share with the rest of the world because it may help some people realize what is going on. And if not then I hope you thought about what I had to say, atleast take something of what I said with you.
be well, be good,