Tourniquet

Totally unexpected news...

I don't know if you guys will remember me, but I'm the girl who started her dreads with her best friend 6 months ago. Well my best friend told me that tonight shes cutting hers off. :( She said she's not happy and that she wants her dreads to grow happily and shes not happy. But I told her that everything was good when we started them. We cried for a while and she told me that shes keeping my dread which is in the front. I'm just so sad, but I can understand. We took one last picture, she's on the left in the Pizza Hut uniform, since it's our second home, haha.

And now my dreads at 6 months, something a little less sad:

be well, be good,
Caylyn

So, I'm sorry for not being as active as I'd like to be on here, I'm just really busy and blog on my Myspace. Yes, choosing Myspace's blog over Livejournal is really sad, but its quick because i'm on there like 24/7. I'll try to update this more often, say, weekly. :)

18 is appoarching my happy ass very quickly, 11 days! I'm so excited. I plan to move in with my boyfriend, Andy, and split rent and all that jazz. But first I need a different job, and before I look for that different job I need to stop smoking pot. Haha. I'm really excited to be finally turning 18, something I've waited for since I was 15! Its just been really important to leave my parents, my overprotective, exteremely over the edge parents. I'm also getting a tattoo of a mushroom on my birthday. :)  Its going to be super sweet. :)

So lalala. :)

be well,
Caylyn

Ephiphany-a major life changing moment, a relization. I had this a couple of weeks ago while thinking about my life and what i'm going to do with it, I have hours to think about. I have had a lot of experiences throughout my life already and i'm still just a kid. I've grown, I've been supressed, I have felt love, I have been forgotten, I have left people, people have left me, I have created, I have destoryed, I have given someone life and I have snatched it away, I have had power and I have been belittled. Its a lot for just being almost 18, I think I feel older than what I am because of so many deep connections I've been in. And it doesn't just include romantic relationships, its everything that my life is made up of.

Everyone has had different experiences and have been involved with other people, different relationships. Friendships, lovers, parents, siblings, everyone all meshed into this thing we call life. Not to mention countless other things, like thoughts, emotions, religion, natrual occurences. And we give it all we have, but does it amount to anything in the end? Do we all just die? And if so then why do we try and spend so much time getting everyone's acceptance? Its so important to a lot of people, acceptance feels nice, but its not so necessary that people should become obssessed with it. And why do people find it so necessary to decieve? I've known people for years and years and I never thought that they'd do what they've done. I'm still the same person, only happier, I get so confused sometimes by the way people interact with other people. I have to ignore it sometimes or it'll just knock me off my tracks and to me its not that important. I'd just like to know why, sometimes. Its understandable to wonder why.

In my life there has been a lot going on, I've been engaged and had my entire life planned out for me and that was that, and then all of a sudden I wasn't and my life is an open agenda, free to anything I want to add. Its liberating, but its amazing how life can be changed by one choice that you make. It'll make a ripple effect and touch other people's lives, lives that don't even need to be affected by the option that you make. Friends should be there for you, no matter what choices you make, as long as you love them and care for them then thats all that matters. You can disapprove, you can hate the option, but the important part is that your the net that catches your friends when they need it. Right now my net doesn't consist of hardly any friends at all, my net is a tall, lanky boy and a poofy haired sibling. They have my back, my balls when I need them and I always need them. It's kind of amazing that I've cut out the rest, or the rest have left me, either way its really awkward and amazing at the same time. If those people are bullshit now, then they've bullshitted me all through life, and I don't need bullshitters to fuck with my life. You only get one, you have to perfect it to the way you want.

And really that is what life is about, YOU. If you're unhappy YOU have to change it, no one else will do it for you. Cut the cords that strangle and choke your happiness and your world becomes different. Not stating that you should be selfish, but maybe be more selfish. Selflessness makes you a good person, but theres a point where people will start to see that you are selfless and will use that to use you because thats how shitty people are. You can't really trust anyone, you have to be very careful with who you share your life with, you have to be very careful with who you trust. This is something I've known all along, but its much more clear to me now. You have to not try to be friends with everyone and just be there for the people that you love and be happy. Thats what life is about, happiness, because if you're not happy then you might as well be dead. Because feeling anything else BUT happiness is terrible. Sometimes you know you're alive by those feelings and they are necessary to life, but being sad and depressed all the time is no way to live. You have to celebrate what you have or you're just wasting your time and everyone else's.

My ephiphany includes all of what was just stated, I think its something to share with the rest of the world because it may help some people realize what is going on. And if not then I hope you thought about what I had to say, atleast take something of what I said with you.

be well, be good,
Caylyn

Change is something that will always happen and I've began to learn this, it's a slow and sure process, but I have learnt that no matter how hard you try to deny your heart you will always follow it. It may not always be the best, but remember live with no regrets. :)

I'm breaking up with my long-term engagement partner, Joshua, because we want two different things out of life and that is okay, we can do that single or whom ever we come across, but I have noticed that I am very unhappy with my life and I have been for a long time. Everything around me has changed but our relationship and I think that is what has been hurting us the most, staying together for fear of being alone. I don't fear it any longer, I have myself and my friends and that is all I need. :) It'll be hard for a little while, but I think it'll be better that way. I just want to be happy and I am not, I can feel my heart fill with cheer that I will get to do what I want to do with my life, even though I am losing someone very special, I will be gaining something very special as well. And who knows, if we meet up in the end then it was meant to be, if it was meant to happen, it will happen and this is happening so it is meant to. Life is filled with happiness and sadness, I'm ready for my peice of happiness. Whether it be with someone else or by myself, I want that happiness that I do not have. Things are heavy, astranged and bojangled to hell, but someone I can feel that happiness deep inside my heart. +butterflies and tingles+ I'm excited to start my life and he is excited to settle down, and both are valuable so I think we shouldn't hold each other back from that, live life so free and fantastic, even if it doesn't include one another. I don't know what else to do at this point, but I can feel that this is the right choice for me right now. Its a change, its an intense change, a big change, but I think it'll all work out in the end. 

So "...don't worry about a thing, cuz every little thing, is gonna be alright..." 
And Bob is right, everything will be alright.

be well,
Caylyn

Life is stress.
I hate it sometimes, a lot lately. It is very hard to like something that puts you through so much hell in so little time. It makes your head feel full and empty all at once. You want it to stop but it will not and it doesn't. 
Just keep your head up, is what I have to keep saying to myself, or I will fall into a pit of shit again. 

Going to visit a college on Friday, it should be groovy. Its an art school, even though it is Catholic, I think it will be okay. You see, I'm basically the antichrist, haha. :) I'm bringing 12 peices with me, hoping to catch the people's attention, perhaps I will get a scholarship? It is all I can hope for right now. 

Still working at Pizza Hell, it's terrible, if ever the chance to even order from there--DO NOT. I hate it! I'm underpaid, I look like a boy in my uniform AND I hate everyone who works there, haha. :) The food is disgusting, the dishes are disgusting, the people are disgusting, just don't even go there. 

The girl who got me into a car crash wants me to take her home all the time and I've had enough of that shit. I don't want the constant reminder of her prescense that my leg is fucked up because she doesn't know how to drive. She's ridiculous. So a van going 55mph slamming into YOUR side of the fucking vehicle is pretty shitty, especially when you walk with a limp. Saweet. Not so much. Bitch. 

I don't really have much to say, just a bunch of rambling, sorry. 

be well, 
Caylyn

Cold, chilling, you can see your own breath...its Autumn, almost Winter, a time of rememberance. A time of beginning....

I am becoming more and more sick of my job, I work too hard for too little. 5.85 for doing everything, dishes, salad bar, cleaning...I am sick of it. I'm thinking about working at Quiznos. You can wear your piercings, a black or khaki skirt, and your chucks, if you want to. Not to mention the labor isn't hard, you don't have to do EVERYTHING and you don't get hit like you do while you're at Pizza Hut. We fucking ran out of forks Friday night, isn't that some sad fucking shit? I hate everyone at Pizza Hut, and I like Kayla and Kara, a lot, they are really fucking cool, so I think I"m going to quit and work there. What do you all think would be in my best interest?

As for the weather, its amazing! I love wearing hoodies and sweaters all the time. I love feeling cozy and warm. :)

Well, I gotta go, get ready to goto work all day. Sunday is the day where I have no soul. :)

be well,
Caylyn

Thats what I'm having right now, before I have to go back to school at 12:45 for 2nd and 1st period. I thought I'd give a little update so everyone knows I'm infact, not dead.

Though I've not uploaded any new artwork in a little less than a month or so, I'm trying to find time between work and school to create. Its within my bones to create, I have to, any artist knows the feeling. I've managed to draw an image of half of my face with headphones on and many images are flowing from the phones. I am pretty satisified thus far, I have to color a few more things then I'll upload it for all to see.

Work is extermely bothersome. I have no time for myself or anyone else. It hurts my spine so much, I may consider getting the scolious surgery if I have to put up with it like this the rest of my life. I burn myself all the time on things you shouldn't burn yourself on! Its either exteremely cold or exteremely hot, its never just warm or cool. They keep assigning me thaw list, a cleanup everyone is supposed to share, I've done TWICE in a row and a total of 5 times all together. Some girl that have worked there many, many months longer than myself have only done it once, tell me, is that fair? Not so much. Still, I have to keep my job or I fail my job class at school. Money is nice, but not that nice, especially when you have absoultley no time to spend it or treat yourself to something nice. Instead, all of it goes into my gas tank, which is empty...AGAIN.

As far as my journey with my dreadlocks go, I'm a month and 6 days into it. Some days I really, really hate them and just want my straight hair back, other days I love them, like today. I guess thats why they call them dreads, because you dread them. <shrugs> I keep writing about them because this is a new beginning for me. These dreadlocks are going to root me to the people that matter most and lock me to their hearts for good. I chose to dread my hair right now because during your senior year you go through many changes, and when you graduate, a lot of the people you used to be with will fade in time from your life. I already know that all of my senior friends last year have faded. I always try to make an effort to stay in touch, but when the other party has no interest then there is no point. These dreads are going to attach the people who matter most to me, Alyssa is dreading her hair with me, we started the same day, she really means the world to me. Not only are the locks going to help keep the ones near and dear locked with me, they are a new start. I have gone through a bout of depression this past year and as soon as I got out of it, I decided to dread my hair with only postive vibes. Dreadlocks will hold these and the caring and love of Mother Earth because they are locked like roots, not wispy and floaty. But this is my personal journey and there is much more to it, but I don't know how interested you all are in my hair. :/

Its 11:11, make a wish.

Thats all for now.

be well,
Caylyn

From the bottom of my heart I know what is right and I usually do it, but lately my heart has been confused. I don't know if its because I have absoultely no time to think because I'm always at work, or if I'm just not thinking hard enough, whatever the reason I'm just a little confused with life right now. Just a little...

Last night I burnt myself on the top of an oven at work, it hurts soooooo fucking bad! The skin is really scorched! I bet, no, I know it will scar. I hate scars, unless they have a cool story, but none of mine do...just terrible things. I try to stop it, but sometimes it just keeps on coming. Last night was an accident though, I'm way too short to see over those ovens. Had a manager take the shit off the top so I could squeegie it. But I for sure get paid on Monday! :) Hooray! I have no idea how much I make, but if its less than 100 dollars I'm gonna kill someone because I worked my fucking ASS off in there!!! If it is less then I'll work like I'm getting paid. :) I'm a fucker, I know. :)

But as soon as I get some moneys, I plan to get my industrial piercing that I have been wanting! Its this thing:  I bet the school will try to tell me its TWO piercings connected one another, but they dont' call it industrial piercingS, its a piercing. Either way, I'm getting it, I'll just hide it with my hair if they decide to be Christians about it. Lalala!

I keep updating everyone on my dreadlocks and thats because its a journey for me. A big one. I've wanted dreads since I was like 14, thats 4 years or so! I never do anything to my hair, I don't dye it, perm it, straighten it, curl it, cut it. Its just there, just like that since the 1st grade. So I think my locks are going to be amazing, they are 3 weeks and 2 days old, but they are bothering the holy hell right out of me because they STILL just look like messy hair. My friends insist they do not, but I know they do. :) (from the bottom of my heart. :) Not mention the extereme amount of fuzz I  battle with. i just want them to hurry along and turn into amazing, locked up dreadies. And I don't know if they need maintence or not, so I don't know if I should goto Nigel's again. Hmmm...

Today is my day off! Hooray! But its already started out shitty because I lost my nose ring in my bed this morning. Goddamn't. I have to go on that adventure now, to find it.

be well,
Caylyn

 

9:13

Like many other people around the world, I hate my job! I want a different one so bad, and yesterday I thought it was pay day, BUT ITS NOT. I have to wait another week before I can get my check, that extra boost that I KNOW will keep me going. I was going to get my industrial piercing on Thursday, but now I can't because I only have $2.00 to my name. :( Goddamn't. Pizza Hut sucks a big one. 

But on a lighter note, I finished my Mother Goddess pot today! Its so beautiful! I've gotta wait until its fired though, so I can glaze it. :) Then I'll post it! I'm also making mushroom coffee mugs, I would like to share those as well. :) 

My dreadlocks are coming along, they are almost 3 weeks old, on Thursday they will be. They are very aggerviating and frustating. Some days I love them, other days I DREAD ever dreading my hair. Is that why they call them dreadlocks? Hm...But anyhow, I will post a collective of my dreadlock photos on a gallery in here. I want to get some peyote stitches and little beads because the big beads won't fit in my hair. I can't believe some dreadheads don't wash their hair for like 5 days at a time! Thats so crazy! I can barely stand not washing them ONE day! Hygieneobsessed? Maybe.


I hope everyone is enjoying themselves....

be well,
Caylyn 

So I've decided to grow the dreadlocks that I've always wanted just recently. They are about 1 week and 1 day old and I love them already! They are starting to lock up and look sort of like dreads instead of just unbrushed hair. I'm very excited about this journey. I have pictures of my dreading process on www.cookie_doughtourniquet.myspace.com  .

Yesterday I ate some mushrooms with my best friend and my boyfriend. It was ultimately a crazy experience. Alyssa's hair looked like dreadies, full, thick ones. We ate too many and I ended up staying in the bathroom all night in Josh's arms crying, snotting, puking. I was so confused. I confused all things in my head, school, work, and I watched Hostel earlier yesterday so I kept thinking that someone was going to cut the back of my legs so I couldn't walk. I was terrified and the bathroom was pulsing, it was like a mental ward. I just ate too many, they were extermely potent and I thought I was going to die. My really brain hurts today. It just seemed like an experience I have to share with someone, it was really intense and it brought us together more. My heart feels attached to his, like a string is connecting us and it makes me melt. He just took extermely good care of me, talked to me, held me, so I guess it was worth spending around 3 hours throwing up. It fixed some major problems in our relationship. But next time I'm only eating a couple, because that was horribly horrible.

Besides those two interesting exciting things, I'm going to be making a couple of things in ceramics that I may share with you guys if it turns out. I'm excited to start making them, two mushroom coffee mugs and a Mother Earth bowl. Also will be in the process of making a new DeviantId so you can see my halfway formed dreadlocks. Other artistic happenings include a drawing of tripped out smurfs and new abstract watercolors. I'm thinking about opening a print account, but thats only if people will buy them.

Anyhow, thats all.

be well,
Caylyn

So, school started the other day, I spent the whole day in the office trying to get a first period. The second day they finally shoved me in an english class that I don't even need. Thats...great. So I have to write an essay for that. Its going to be half-assed, I'm sure. But I do have an advanced ceramics class, I plan on making matching mushroom coffee mugs for me and the slothapillar along with an Earth Mother bowl. Her face will be protruding from it and her dreads will cover the bowl. I have a few other ideas as well, but I really like these two the best and I can't wait to start working on them. But those are my two classes for now, after that I go home, which is where I am now. Relaxing is nice. 

Work is hell, though. I don't know how to do anything and my friend who is training me isn't there tonight and its only my 3rd day and its going to be hard to figure out everything. I don't know what to do,  I only can put toppings on a taco pizza and put breadsticks in the oven. A LOAD of shit. So I bet tonight is going to be...hellish, to say the least. I hate work already. I started to cry on the way home from it yesterday because I'm so frustarted that I can't do it. I know its only my third day, but I hate feeling helpless and not knowing SHIT. 

So today is my dreadlocks 1 week birthday, hooray! :) I tied some yarn in one of them as a little present. I'll upload some pictures so you can see what they look like now. Nothing too amazing, yet. My friend Jane likes to maintain them for me. She did a little work on them in ceramics today, twisting and backcombing them. I've a bead in one of them too, its Joshua's bead. 

Good news for school is I get to see my friend Jason from southern wells everyday. :) I love him a lot! :)

but anyhow, thats all for now.
Hope all is well.

be well,
Caylyn 

Cannabis, marijuana, weed, pot, smoke, green, herb...

     These are all words describing the plant that is misunderstood as a drug that leads to hard drugs, a drug that makes you forget, and a drug that makes you become hopelessly addicted. Though no matter what anyone says or believes, there is one FACT-that those accusations are false. Yes, no matter how hard you want to believe that smoking cannabis will make you do herion will never change the fact that it won't. Its a natrual occurence, a plant for Goddess sakes. Its not a dangerous thing, unlike alcohol. Alcohol is extermely physically addictive as well as psychologically addictive. Its nature and goal is to just plain and simple "fuck you up", there is no spiritual finding in a bottle. With cannabis (and a few other psychoactives), its main aim is to make you feel good, enlighten you and make you laugh. You don't throw up on your friends couch, you don't smash your wife's favorite ceramics she's been collecting since she was only 5, and you don't slap your girlfriend and beat them to a black and blue pulp. No, with cannabis you laugh and share thoughts. Its a truth serum, in all actuality. You feel the need to tell the truth, there is no lying when you smoke, you feel obligated to tell the truth. Whatever you are feeling, you explain it to the other person. You talk, write, create. You create, (You also get the munchies too, hehe. :). While with other things you just are incoherent, lustful, and act stupid. You cannot overdose on pot, NO ONE has EVER died from smoking pot. Getting drunk, shooting up, snorting yayo and popping pills is no harmless act. It will damage you. Marijuana doesn't lead to addiction, it has been proven that it is not physically addictive, though habit forming. If you were a veteran pot smoker and just stopped one day, you wouldn't feel withdrawal, you would carry on. People who smoke weed do not get sick more often than others who don't, and don't die earlier than people who don't smoke. Also, weed doesn't kill the brain cells, rather, the chemical in weed 'tickles' the receptors in the brain and gets you high. While alcohol also 'tickles' the brain, it kills the cells by producing toxins and sometimes causing seizures. With other drugs, the chemicals produced will eventually wear out the receptors in the brain, but cannabis does not.

   Its not only amazing recreationally, its a very medicinal herb. Scientists say that marijuana will even stimulate some forms of immunity. People who have cancer, AIDS and other diseases (including glocluma), smoke pot because it a) takes some of the pain away, b) makes the people who are suffering hungry again and gets rid of the naseua that the kemo causes, so they can eat and gain weight instead of only weighing 70-90 pounds. c)  it helps the suffering people rest and sleep.

     All of this and much more can be done when using the plant. You can make rope, clothing, paper etc with hemp made from cannabis. While using hemp paper, you are essentially saving millions of trees from being cut down. Which means everyone and everything gets oxygen when we have trees on the Earth.

If our Great Mother didn't want us to use this plant, it wouldn't be growing from Her very hair! She placed these things upon the Earth so we could use them, not make them illegal!

I wrote this blog for people who are blind to the truth, I figure that my words are simple enough to get the word across. I feel very passionatly about this because this is what I truly feel. People just think that if you smoke pot you are searching for an escape from the 'cruel world', but its not true at all. Before I started smoking pot, I was different, but not in a bad way like weed changed my life in a drastic way, but i'm more laid back and less stressed. It makes your heart sink in amazing warmth and love and peace. You become overwhelmed with emotion, its a great thing. You feel more alive, happy, and usually after you smoke you feel a lot better. If something makes you feel better and never ever worse, why not smoke?

be well,
Caylyn

 Ooh, and for the record, you cannot 'do' pot, you can smoke it, but you cannot light the weed on fire and wait for it to turn into a liquid and shoot into your veins with a needle. :)

My senior year is becoming closer and closer with everyday that passes. Which means I'll be out of highschool quicker than we know it. It is kind of scarry and yet its been what everyone has been waiting for. Nevertheless, my senior year is going to be really satisifying, hopefully. I'm taking an independent art class and an advanced ceramics and sculputure class, both should be really fun for me. I have a few projects in mind for my independent class, a couple of portraits. I need to work on creating realistic portraits and thats what I plan to do in my art classes. I will only be going half days, as well, so I can goto work.

Besides school coming up on August 21st, I have a job interview at Pizza Hut on Monday around 2. It should go well, and although it is only Pizza Hut, I'm still very excited about it. I'll have a nice income and it'll be my own money, I won't have to depend on my parents or my friends or even my boyfriend anymore. Its liberating, .

Anyhow, thats all for now.

be well,
Caylyn

"The girl with kaliedoscope eyes..."-The Beatles

     D-lysergic acid diethylamide, otherwise known as LSD or acid, is a popular psychedelic. They say that mainly experienced chemists know how to make this psychedelic, and its mainly made in Canada and America. The main active ingredient is from ergot alkaloids which are ergot fungus growing on rye. (This is what happened in Salem, with the witch trails. They were all tripping on ergot rye poisoning.) It was first synthesized in 1938 and discovered to be a psychoactive in 1943. It was used primarily in the 60's and 70's and made illegal to use in 1967.  (Erowid.org)  Many people admitted to using the drug, The Beatles said they did, and many people went wild.
      Timothy Leary was an activist in using the drug, spreading word of it everywhere. "Turn on, tune in, drop out" was his popular quote throughout his life of spreading the word of this psychoactive. He graduated from Harvard with a PHD in psychology and he began his Harvard Psilocybin Project, studying the effects of psilocybin on humans. Many others joined him on this experiment. In 1962, he was introduced to LSD for the first time, recalling it as "the most shattering experience in his life." Being a spokesperson for LSD he travelled across America, holding "Acid Tests" where he went. He was followed by with the Merry Pranksters, including Ken Kesey. Leary was caught with marijuana numerous times and was thrown in jail, but during the last 20 years of his life, he was fascinated with cyberculture and virtual reality. He struggled with prostate cancer and died peacefully in his sleep on Febuary 9, 1997. A portion of his remains were launched into space. Leary was a huge part of the acid movement, along with him, others such as Jerry Garcia, known as Captain Trips then, were part of it.
     The reason why I am blogging about LSD is because it has been one of my number one interesting things in my life to read about. Its amazing how a chemical can make you taste colors and hallicunate things to be unreal. Its very fasicnating to me and I think that it would be interesting to post this information. I will talk about the effects and such next.
     Being extremley active at even small doses, LSD once ingested, take around 20 to 60 mintues to take effect on the body. Once taken, the acid will begin to take you on a journey. Colors are enhanced, you become stimulated, you become more involved, creatively. You are enhanced, glowing. The trip will last from 6-11 hours and you will be a bit scrambled the days following a psychoactive trip.
     The reason LSD has become interesting once again, is because I caught word of it, and soon, I will have an experience to speak about, first hand. Sights, smells, sensations, visuals, colors. :)

Jerry Garcia
1942-1995

     On August 9th, 1995 the mastermind of musical talents passed away in a rehab hospital only 8 days after his 53rd birthday. He was prononuced dead at 4:23am from a heartattack brought on by his substance abuse. Though those years were dark, they found Garcia with an angelic look upon his face that morning, even entering the afterlife, he had a smile upon his face.

My love for Jerry, as well as others, will not fade away! Though I was only 5 when he passed away and I didn't discover the music of the dead until many years after that, I still have as much respect for this incredible man as any other Dead Head. His happy, bubbly spirit was always about him, you can hear it in his voice. Its subtle, but its overflowing at the same time and it effected millions when he passed away.

So I ask you now, friends, to join me on August 9th in a special tribute smoke to Jerry Garcia at either 4:23am or 4:23pm, be sure to wear a Jerry shirt and tell your friends to join you on the day the Dead died! Remember the man who changed music forever...

Rat in a drain ditch, caught on a limb, you know better but I know him.
Like I told you, what I said, steal your face right off your head.

Now hes gone, now hes gone, lord hes gone, hes gone.
Like a steam locomotive, rollin down the track
Hes gone, gone, nothins gonna bring him back...hes gone.

Nine mile skid on a ten mile ride, hot as a pistol but cool inside.
Cat on a tin roof, dogs in a pile,
Nothin left to do but smile, smile, smile!!!!

Now hes gone, now hes gone lord hes gone, hes gone.
Like a steam locomotive, rollin down the track
Hes gone, gone, nothins gonna bring him back...hes gone.

Goin where the wind dont blow so strange,
Maybe off on some high cold mountain chain.
Lost one round but the price wasnt anything,
A knife in the back and more of the same.

Same old, rat in a drain ditch, caught on a limb,
You know better but I know him.
Like I told you, what I said,
Steal your face right off your head.

Now hes gone, now hes gone lord hes gone, hes gone.
Like a steam locomotive, rollin down the track
Hes gone, gone, nothins gonna bring him back...hes gone.

Ooh, nothins gonna bring him back.

-Be well, be Grateful,
Caylyn

School is starting on August 21st, the begining of my senior year. It should go fast, especially since I only go half a day and then goto work, which I hope I get that Pizza Hut job. Its not much, but goddamn't, it's something. I have uploaded a new peice of artwork on www.autumn-forest.deviantart.com its pretty amazing. Its Jack and Sally, I'm so proud of it.
 

My best friend just got her tattoo with them on it on her side. Its really pretty, but it still needs more work. I want so many tattoos it's not even funny. I also want many other piercings. I want an industrial in my left ear, I would like to gauge out my ears to put a spiral thing in it, I want my nipples pierced and perhaps a bullring or lip ring. I'm not sure yet. Hmm...

Went shopping the other day, I bought much Bob Marley stuff. Josh said "Do you even listen to Bob Marley?" Fucking of course I do! Thats the lamest thing I think he's ever said to me. Of course I listen to Bob Marley, he's such an amazing artist and man. He had a lot of good things to say, too bad people like that aren't around anymore, just people who have a lot of bad things to say. 

Myspace is certainly retarded, I hate Myspace but my gay friend Logan made me do it. :( Now its addictive and stupid. 

After my senior pictures I plan to grow my dreadlocks finally, but as far as my senior pictures go, I have no idea what I'm doing. I want a picture with my paint brushes between my toes and a picture with me huggin' a tree. Another one with my best friend, too. I don't know though. 

Anyhow, just a little update.

be well,
Caylyn 

The trip to West Virgina was one of the worst things I've done so far this year! All of my relatives are alcoholics, all of my friends didnt' miss me a bit, not even Joshua. I'm underapperciated and underestimated. I have so much to offer to the world, but no one will ever care as much as I do about my gifts. We were gone a total of three days instead of four, I told my mom to keep driving through Ohio. There was no way I was going to stay there another night. I would have killed someone. Though, I did spray paint "Make Love, Not War!" on a bridge across from my aunts house. :)

So sorry for not posting as much, I just don't know if the web really cares about my life, this was really for me, to keep track of myself, so I'm sorry if you've missed me.

Now, onto the days that lie ahead. :) 
My best friend Alyssa is on a cruise right now, in the Caribbean, she'll be back on Sunday. :) I'm excited for her return because I've only one true person I can count on, and thats her. She never makes me sad or mad, agitates me or anything, like everyone else does. I would like to marry her instead, ha! :) But I stopped smoking because she can't smoke-either cigarettes nor grass. So I stopped smoking the latter because I don't smoke the first one. :D All for her, she is my world when its grey. ;) When she does come back, though, we are going to meet Lucy. In the Sky. With Diamonds. My little sister said she'd watch us. Shes groovy cool like that. 

School is coming up, I hate it so much. But atleast I have I.C.E. which means I leave at 11:00AM! Oh yeah! :) I need to turn in my application for Pizza Hut, I need to go shopping for new clothes. All of my hippie skirts have holes in them,so I'm going to make a small order to Gypsy Rose. Which I designed a cover and sent in the other day. I worked on that cover for 3 months, exactly, and I had to white out the text several times and you can tell. I hope it doesn't affect their judging, but i'm sure I won't win. I never win.

I will try to keep everyone updated more often. I'm going to try to join some groups right now, to meet new people.

love, peace, 
be well,
Caylyn  

This week, I've had the worst luck. I cannot see Joshua on his week off because he's camping, next week I can't see him because I'm going to West Virginia! Out of all weeks to take a trip, why NEXT week? Goddamn't.

Also, I hit his Jeep backing up, so the front of our vehicles are really messed up. His is worse than mine, and I cried because I know he worked very hard for that vehicle. And I may not get to drive my car if they see the BLACK BLACK BLACK scratch on it. I didn't mean to, I don't think its a big deal, but my parents will....

Then, I stepped outside no more than five minutes after I woke up and stepped on a goddamn bee, so now I scratch that all the time because it itches like crazy.

And then yesterday I spilled paint all over my WHITE dress and I started to cry because I can't ever have anything nice. My mother told me to lay off the pot because i'm so emotional, Cally (my sister) said "here we go again" and I called Joshua to see if he had any words of comfort, and all he had to say was "If you cry over little things, you'll cry everyday". BUT ITS A BIG THING! All of my skirts and dresses have holes, rips, tears, saftey pins holding them together and NOW my FAVORITE white dress has a gigantic yellow stain on it. So much for words of comfort......

So natrually I got pissed off. My nose is pierced today.
Wonder what other sorts of bad luck will happen today.

be well,
Caylyn

Alyssa and I went to the Ft.Wayne zoo today, we went blazed and happy. :) The first animal we saw was the sloth! I was so excited because sloths are one of my favorite animals. They are so cute and slow, it makes me very happy. Then we saw the monkeys, the birds, and a lynx, and we were hot so we jumped around in the little kids fountain thing. It felt sooooo damn good, almost liberating. :) We went to the little store that sold food and got two hot dogs and cheesy chilli nachos. We then bought a seal sippy cup for me and a pink hippo sippy cup for her, we were too cool today. :) We ate a cookie icecream sandwhich as we walked around the Indonesian Rainforest thing and saw the oraguntans. We saw a tiger too, :). It was like being kids again, it was so grand. Except for the penguins, we were proceeding to have sex in front of us. Right as we walked by, the fellow penguin...uh....came to a stopping point, I don't even want to talk about it, it was so horribly raunchy!

We bought other things as well, a sloth stuffed animal for me, a manta ray figurine, jelly fish figurine and turtle stuffed animal for her. :) We plan on going back soon, we had so much fun, and we have a night of fun left, too, because we get to see our old Puerto Rican friend, Hector. :)

be well,
Caylyn 

Good morning everyone, I just thought I'd update you on recent happenings.

On Saturday, my best friend Alyssa and my boyfriend Joshua and I went to the Pretty Lake Acoustic Festival. The Grateful Groove played there, it was their last show ever! None of us knew that until they played, it makes me so sad because they are really good at what they do. We all danced and had a great time, Alyssa told me she loved me, she always touches my heart.

Joshua has two weeks off in July starting this week and next week, hes CAMPING all this week WITHOUT me, so I'm alone and without him. Trying to come up with things to do, Alyssa wants to goto the zoo and I want to goto the movies to see Hostel 2, we have to go back to the mall because she wants a Jack and Sally trash can. So though I'm without him, I'm trying to do kickass things. Really, though, hes a jackass a lot of the time...

Driving is soooo much fun to me. My hubcap has some scrapeage and mom and dad are like "WHAT DID YOU HIT?" Evidently I must have scraped the edge of my tire on the curb when I turned. I knew when I did it, I wasn't paying attention, so easy way to fix that. PAY ATTENTION. But driving is really fun to me, its kinda like a game, trying to find different places, and when you do, you are very excited.

Thats all that has went on in my life since Saturday.

be well,
Caylyn